Sometimes I ask "why?"

I had a dream today. She was there. I’ve been trying to move on all these years. I thought I have moved on. But, when I saw her there, staring at me for a brief moment, I couldn’t help but wish “what if things were different”. My skin is thickening. I realize how deeper I’m in. I thought I was healed. I don’t know. She will never be aware of this. Never. I don’t want her to. Is this something like a scar that never heals? I don’t want to go deep into the dream and its details, but, looking back few things were coinciding just like it was something intended to. I wasn’t intending it though. Does it make me sad? Sometimes. I know dreams are nothing but recurring thoughts surfacing in sleep. It doesn’t have to carry any meaning in life. But, the impact it creates on us is a whole new level of pain; apart from the worldly pain which we already going through and trying to escape through sleep, such an irony. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a bubble, but, when I touch it, it’s firm. I’m not the old me anymore.